Reframing
Dear friends,
I have a friend who has a great attitude about going through this world. He says to himself, "I assume that, over the course of my life, I will lose $20,000 to people either taking advantage of me, doing something not quite right, negligence on my part, etc. So when I suffer a financial loss I just assume it is part of the $20,000 that has already been accounted for."
Our emotions are generally governed by expectations and desires. It's not that there isn't an external reality, but our reaction to that reality is more up to us than we suppose. "He made me mad" is never quite right. "He did X, and I got mad" is better. There is no causality between an event and how we have to feel about that event.
Suppose you are standing on a crowded bus and someone bumps into you really hard from behind. You are annoyed, and turn around with a small scowl on your face. But then you see the fellow who bumped you is blind! What happens to your emotional reaction? Your ribs still hurt, but your feelings change completely (I hope!).
If someone who has $3 million loses two thirds of it, he is distraught. But if someone with little money finds $1 million he is ecstatic. They wind up in identical conditions, despite the dramatic difference in feeling. It is not the objective condition.
Adjusting our expectations and attitudes towards a given reality is something we can work on and get better at. But don't start with a life crisis, as that is way too big a stretch. How about the next time someone cuts in front of you in the grocery store line? Don't just focus on the correct thought that they ought not to have done that. Focus on how you felt about it. Feeling bad does not change the fact that you are now one more space back in the line. Separating the two realities is usually quite instructive and growth-producing. It is not about repressing the annoyance, but seeing it differently so the feeling is dissipated.
May we each become a little more of an observer of what happens around us, with an open heart and our noses pressed against the glass, but less personally and emotionally involved with what we encounter during our day. The world is happening and unfolding, but not really "to us."
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the staff at East West