A Little Humor
Dear friends,
It is no secret that we are living in challenging times: Politics; three wars; AI fears, etc. etc. While there is little we can personally do about these global problems that has much effect, we are responsible for what goes on in our own heads. In yoga postures, one stretches left then right, and up then down. Our consciousness can use a little bend in the other direction as well from time to time. It’s been a long time since we have devoted a letter to humor, but the moment has come! Whence some of my favorite spiritual jokes...
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A 70-year-old woman gets hit by a car while crossing the street. It is serious — she sees a great white light, and starts towards it. But a voice says, “It is not your time to go. In fact, you will live to be 85 years old.”
When she awakes she realizes she is unhappy with looking older so figures, "Heck. If I am going to live that long there’s a few things I want to do about my appearance." She does the works: tummy tuck, facelift, weight loss, hair extensions, etc. But just as she is leaving her final cosmetic appointment she gets hit by a car and dies. When she gets to heaven she says to God, “You told me I had 15 years left. What gives?!” God replied, “I am so sorry. I didn't recognize you!”
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A priest was greeting the congregation members as they were leaving after a Service. He spent a moment with each one, thanking them for coming as he shook each one’s hand.
One woman, however, would not let him go, grasping his hand ever more tightly, as she recited her long litany of her problems. Finally the priest pulled away and said, "Ma’am, you must understand, I am in sales. I am not in management!”
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Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic? He lay awake all night worried there was no Dog.
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A psychic man who stood only five feet two inches tall found himself in prison for a violent crime. Using his highly developed psychic abilities he was able to engineer an escape in short order. The local newspaper headline the next day read: Small Medium at Large.
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Do you worry that God loves you but is afraid to make a commitment?
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A lawyer was dying in the hospital. Having never been spiritual, his visiting son was shocked to see him carefully reading the Bible. He asked if, with death nearing, he had turned to Spirit. His father said, "Oh not at all. I’m just looking for loopholes.”
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A pair of monks were in the temple. The first one walked up to the altar and said, “I am nothing. I am nothing.” The second did the same.
They were seen by the janitor who, figuring this must be the right thing to do, walked up and said, “I am nothing. I am nothing.” The monks saw him do this, and one turned to the other and said, "Look who thinks he’s nothing!”
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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The vendor fixes a hot dog, hands it over, and the monk pays with a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor puts the bill in his pocket and stands there.
After a minute, the monk says, "Where is my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Change comes from within."
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A man travels to Florida for a vacation while his wife is scheduled to fly down and meet him the next day. Arriving at his hotel, he decides to email her. He accidentally mistypes a single letter in her email address, sending the message instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away just the day before.
Later that evening, the grieving widow opens her computer to check for messages of condolence from friends and family. She reads the screen, lets out a piercing scream, and faints onto the floor. Her family rushes into the room and reads the message on the screen:
"To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.”
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I hope some of these put a smile on your face. As Yogananda often said, “A sad saint is a poor saint indeed.” Spirit is Divine Joy, but a little human joy is pretty good stuff too. :-)
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the staff at East West